


Ecstasy in 2012

by philtheultimate (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phandom Big Bang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 07:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20467037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/philtheultimate
Summary: Rough. Rough like Daniel Howell and Phil Lester's relationship.





	1. The Gods That Rules The skies

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to anyone that actually reads this <3

Thousands of years ago when Zeus ruled the skies, the skies that pour down rain, the skies that scream a tragic love story of Daniel Howell and Phil Lester. The skies that pour down rain in Manchester in 2012. The skies that scream in agony for Dan and the angelic screams for Phil. 

An addict and a pen. The ink flows so gently. gentle. gentle. gentle. rough. Rough like Daniel Howell and Phil Lester's relationship.

Rehab. A word Phil Lester knows too well. He can almost taste the roughness of the letters on his tongue. 

"You're fucking mental, Phil," 

Η αγάπη μας πεθαίνει μέσα μας. (our love dies within us.) 

Phil wishes it could be 2009. 2009. 2009. The year replays over and over in his head. Zeus, Dan, and ecstasy. Phil misses the gentle yet chapped lips on his. The body underneath his in the night. The sharpie smell in his room, his old camera, and him. him. him. Dan fucking Howell. Now what is he left with?

a distant friend.

we're falling apart.

we aren't what we used to be.

He takes the pill so his pain fades away. The beautifully created pill Phil loves so dearly. More than him. More than Dan.

The room starts to spin. His vision becomes more distorted by the second. 

They say heaven is located on the summit of Olympus. But heaven is with you. 


	2. Lotus-Eaters

It’s a cold night in 2012,

Phil Lester is by himself.

His ex-lover Dan Howell had left him long ago.

Long. Long. Long. He looks at himself in the mirror. “One last time,” he mutters. He grabs the tube. Inside the slender tube is liquid and something that makes your pain go away. They are tiny flowers called lotus.

(The lotus fruits and flowers were the primary food of the island and were a narcotic, causing the inhabitants to sleep in peaceful apathy. Figuratively, 'lotus-eater' denotes "a person who spends their time indulging in pleasure and luxury rather than dealing with practical concerns".)

(In Greek mythology the lotus-eaters, also referred to as the lotophagi or lotophaguses or lotophages, were a race of people living on an island dominated by lotus plants.) Addiction. I’m sorry I chose this over you. Lotus. Lotus. Lotus .

He is a lotus eater and he never wants to see Daniel Howell again. He never wants to live. But he never wants to go back home. It's just a little pinch. He forgets about going home but most importantly he forgets about Daniel Howell.

His ex-lover. He walks into the bathroom quietly he looks for his blade. He takes it a little deeper this time. With each cut it's a whole new world. He's bleeding now. Quite a lot actually. Does he stop? No, he keeps going he isn't satisfied yet. He will never be satisfied. The gods will never be satisfied for him.

They never have been and they never will be.

The gods cried for him. They made a storm for him. But they didn't stop him.

I miss the boy I fell in love with so long ago. I yearn for his touch. It’s my fault I’m an addict, It’s always my fucking fault. For every damn thing, I’m always to blame. I do everything wrong. It’s always my fault for everything that goes wrong. I’m a terrible person.

Nobody could ever fall in love with me. Except for Daniel Howell. It's always him oh, he's always the answer to everything. He's the answer to the question; is God real? I just missed the way I fell in love with him. I fell from the heavens for him, and now he's gone. he's not gone but he is. He's gone from my life. Oh how I miss him. But I know he doesn't feel the same because of all the mistakes I've made. Just take me back to 2009, times were so much simpler than.

Ecstasy, Dan, and God. I still don't know if God is real. Heaven sure was. There's something about him nobody knows about. only I do. What the hell am I supposed to do ? The one person I love hates me. With every flower, every problem is solved. Sure, may seem complicated. but it's always the answer. The answer to all my pain, grief , and what I've done. It’s done. Done. done. It’s all my fault, it always is. Lotus-eater. this made all of his problems go away.

So did Dan. It’s all my fault, it always is. My life has gone to shit and it's all my fault. It’s all my fault, it always is. Dan. Dan. Dan. The brown haired boy on top of me. Well, not anymore, perhaps. But he once was.

Will you still love me?

My smile is a beautiful lie.

για το λωτό είναι νόστιμο, με κάνει να ξεχάσω όλες τις ανησυχίες και τα προβλήματά μου. Ειδικά τη σχέση μου με τον Ντάνιελ Χάουελ. (For the lotus is delicious, it makes me forget all my worries and problems. Especially my relationship with Daniel Howell.)

Ο Θεός είναι πραγματικός» λέει με το λουλούδι στο χέρι του.("God is real" he says with the flower in his hand.)

He crushes it gently and presses the liquid to his lips. The sweet pink liquid flows into his mouth. With every drop he forgets. Forget. Forget. Forget . Έχω ξεχάσει όλα τα προβλήματά μου, πότε;(I've forgotten all my problems, when will you?) He left. He fucking left.

Abandonment . the action or fact of abandoning or being abandoned.

Depression . Sadness . Numbness. I’m so fucking empty without him. I have no reason to live. My life has gone to absolute shit without him near. I can still taste him on my tongue. Now he left me. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault, it always is.

“I'm deranged. I’m mad. I’m a fucking psychopath.” Phil yells “Lock me up!” He screams.

He hears a knock on the door. “Dan?”

“Open up!” a voice calls

“We’re with Olympus Rehabilitation center.”

* Come with me.

They escort Phil to the car. On the side of the truck, it says

“Olympus Rehabilitation Center.”

He watches as his apartment gets smaller and smaller in the distance. They check in. Inside it’s dark, only one light is on. It’s flickering. Phil thinks he’s doing it with his head. But he’s not because God doesn’t fucking exist. He’s shown to his room.

“You have a roommate, I hope that’s okay.” a female says. “It’s fine.” He says

“I’ve been expecting you Phil.” a voice says.


End file.
